Love, or Lack Thereof
by CrystolConeticut
Summary: Odd how, just minutes ago, it had been surprise that was rocking his body. Now, it was her. Hard T, two- shot. Complete.
1. The Beginning

He was in denial.

Not about everything, just about how he felt about her. He was emotionally withdrawn, but also emotionally vulnerable. He wasn't capable of acting on his feelings for Annie, partly because he couldn't process them, and partly because he wasn't used to feeling this way around someone like her. She was intelligent, beautiful, and flawless, in his mind. What his mind couldn't admit was that he was in love with her.

He'd never been in love. Or loved, for that matter.

When he was around her, he wanted to touch her. Hold her. Caress her. He wanted to pleasure her, and himself.

He always averted her gaze when he had the pleasuring thoughts. Because he was ashamed, yes, but also because the thought of actually doing these things didn't seem so out of reach- or place- anymore.

It seemed right to him. Was it? He wasn't so sure.

It was_ that- _the discomfort and hesitation- that kept him from acting on these feelings, from trying to be his true self around her -because even though he didn't want to act on his attraction, he didn't want to burn any bridges that he someday might want to cross, and he was stricken with fear that she wouldn't like him for who he really was.

If he was being honest with himself, his ultimate fear was that he _was _going to burn that bridge- but not until he was on the other side.

On Tuesday, April 22nd she told him she was leaving. Not until the summer, she assured him, and the reason was because she'd gotten accepted into a college in Texas. They'd stated that with her past grades she was more than qualified- even after the pills episode- and could leave Greendale at the end of this year.

She'd told him this news with her close- lipped, secretive smile; the one that said "You should feel special, because you're the only one I've told. But don't tell anyone else about it, because don't you just lovebeing the special one?", along with her glittering eyes; the ones that said "I'm so excited! Be excited for me!"

This expression, however, faded a few seconds later. He hoped it was only from the lack of response and that the shock he was feeling wasn't being made obvious by his facial features (he doubted it was, though, because he'd never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve).

His first question was why so far away, why _Texas_? Her cheeks pinkened and she mumbled something about a fresh start, a new life. He would have commented more on this if he could, but the waves of shock were still rocking his body.

His next question was how could she do that to the group; just up and leave them right before their final year together? Didn't she need four years at Greendale, anyway? Her eyes flashed at this, and he instantly felt, well, _bad _(for lack of a better term) for making her angry. But then his defense mechanism went up, as it always does.

She stated (through gritted teeth) that it wasn't her responsibility to look after the group. Even though she (admittedly) was right about this, he wasn't ready to admit it just yet. She also apparently didn't need to get a degree from Greendale if she was going to be going somewhere else to get an equivalent of that degree. She gave him a 'duh' look and he felt incredibly stupid. As if that wasn't enough, she went on to say that he should have been happy for her, implying that he was a bad friend because he wasn't. He opened his mouth to respond, but she wasn't finished.

"You should be happy I don't have to waste any more time at some community college!"

'Some community college'. He felt as though he'd just been slapped. She might as well have said that they were all just 'some group' or that he was just 'some guy'.

She immediately and obviously (unlike him, she _did _wear her heart on her sleeve) feel remorse for what she said, and began to apologize. She hadn't meant what she said; this wasn't just 'some community college'. But it was too late. She take that back; whether it was just something said at the heat of the moment, or really a Freudian slip, it was what she'd really felt, and she _had _meant it.

He chose not to say any of this to her, though, and settled for an emotionless 'Congratulations'. She'd taken this as a cue to leave, some of the guilt melting off of her face as she began to walk away.

"Glad to see you can finally move on from your life and stop wasting your time with us."

This made her stop dead in her tracks. _Good, now she's been hurt just like I've been._ But now he was feeling guilty, especially when Annie turned around and revealed those infamous doe eyes. She knew that they were her main weapons of destruction, and that they- over anything else- could actually make him _feel_…. something.

What were he and her doing? Why were they being so stupid? Wasn't _this _what was bad-fighting, making them both feel like terrible people- nothis feelings for her?

_Yes._

**So, as you may have noticed, I specifically chose not to name the man in this story. If you're following with characterization, it can be either Jeff **_**or **_**Abed. I will reveal who it is next chapter, don't worry.**

**I know, I know, not Troy. Me and all my incessant and probably misplaced **_**need **_**to have Troy and Annie get married and have babies that "would be sooooo cute… because, you know, they're…" has been put on standby for this story alone (although, if Community's going to keep up with it's continuity of Annie kissing someone at the end of every season, it might be Troy she goes for tomorrow night! Fingers crossed!).**

"**Crystol Coneticut, was purposely not saying the name of the dude in this chapter just some ploy to get us to read both this chapter **_**and **_**the next, no matter **_**who**_** we want Annie to be with?"**

**I can neither confirm nor deny that statement **

**-CC**


	2. The End

What were he and her doing? Why were they being so stupid? Wasn't this what was bad-fighting, making them both feel like terrible people- not his feelings for her?

Jeff closed the distance between them and captured her mouth with his. She gave a squeak of protest (or maybe surprise. Probably both) but quickly melted into the kiss, and him. He made a sound not unlike a predatory growl in her mouth (ironic- or maybe fitting, given the circumstance- wasn't 'predator' exactly what he'd been trying all this time _not _to be labeled as?).

As waves of desire and passion swept through all of him, Jeff swept Annie off of her feet- literally. He carried her to her bed- only breaking the kiss for about three seconds- and laid her down roughly before practically pouncing on top of her.

Odd how, just minutes ago, it had been surprise that was rocking his body. Now, it was her.

_Yes._

Annie shifted underneath Jeff's weight, fidgeting as he kissed her neck. He soon moved on from her neck, kissing every part of her body, leaving more than a few love-bites along the way. He wanted to mark her as his, but he left no bites on her neck, opting for more discreet places. If Annie could use her brain at that moment- which she couldn't; everything had become hazy once his lips brushed her skin- she might have sensed that this was the point. He didn't want anyone _else_ to know what they'd done; only her.

But Annie wasn't thinking, and neither was Jeff. However, she soon realized that something was wrong. Even as he made her scream and cry out- and vice versa- her whole being started to fill with dread.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Doing this with Jeff was supposed to be slow and sweet- at least that's how she'd always pictured it. Maybe there'd even be candles and/or rose petals. But it wasn't like that. It was hard and fast and rough and too many more adjectives that she just couldn't even name (which was saying something as she _was _Annie, after all).

When it was over, he rolled off of her and became still, as did she. _Maybe this way isn't so bad after all, _she thought. _After all, it was still enjoyable, and sometimes you just have to compromise._

It was with this rationale that Annie turned her head to face Jeff, intent on figuring out what this meant, what _she _meant to him. They both had known this would happen, and Annie even wore a slight smile on her lips as she pondered where to go from there, what would happen to them. She'd convinced herself that it couldn't be anything bad, especially since at the very least it would involve more of… _this. _And hopefully her way next time. In Annie's mind, things were really starting to look up.

But then she saw his face.

As Annie grew older and more information was stored in specific compartments in her mind, there were things she forgot. Ten years from that day she forgot whether Jeff's hair was blonde or brunette. Twenty years from that day she forgot his last name (although she did remember that it began with a 'W'). Thirty years from that day she forgot what had even seemed so wrong about having sex with him in the first place.

But the expression he had at _that _moment… it burned into her memory, and was never removed.

How could she describe it? Shame? Remorse? Regret? Yes, but none of those emotions were quite as prominent as "self- loathing". He hated himself for what he'd done. And now he couldn't take it back; couldn't smooth talk or charm his way out of this debacle.

He stayed that way for hours, eyebrows slightly scrunched, eyes wide, mouth set in a hard, grim line. He probably blinked a total of three times over the course of innumerable seconds. One could only guess what was running through his mind, but if Annie had to give her opinion, she'd probably say that it had something to do with analyzing the consequences of what he- _they_- had just done, and hating himself more and more with each passing moment.

Annie wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, as when she finally fell asleep (after what seemed like several eternities) that look was still etched into her mind, as clear as if she was still experiencing that second of pain-inducing stomach-clenching heartbreak all over again. If Jeff noticed the way her head was turned towards him, watching him intently, he chose not to acknowledge it.

And as Annie stared at him staring at her ceiling, a spark of anger ignited within her. She was so _beyond _tired of this. Even after he had seemingly came to terms with his feelings for her and decided to seal the deal, he _still _viewed her as a child and felt dirty and sick for wanting her.

And now Annie also felt sick. She was disgusted by Jeff; not because of his feelings for her, but for the lack thereof. No, no- the lack of _acknowledgement._ That was more on- point to what was actually happening.

Annie suddenly felt about three inches tall, little and vulnerable as she lay in bed with him. She was so incredibly stupid for thinking that she could ever change him. Why had she bothered to delude herself with candle- illuminated, rose- petal textured fantasies? It hadn't been like that- _wouldn't_ _ever_ be like that-and she felt remarkably naïve for buying into the hope that it might; if only for a second.

She was done with him, and by the looks of it, he was done with her, too. Ironic- or maybe fitting, in all actuality- that this was what it took for her to finally get over/ be rid of him.

As Annie felt the burning in her stomach make its way upward to her eyes, and felt a wetness coating her dark lashes, she vowed that this would be the last time she would _ever _cry over Jeffrey Tobias Winger. She had a life- changing epiphany that night: he just wasn't worth it. Wasn't worth _her._

In the morning, he left.

She moved on.


End file.
